October 19, 2020

Twenty Kinds of People Who Lurk, Read and Comment at IM

We have a lot of good people here at IM, and I count many of you as dear and wonderful friends. But I got to making this darned list….Who actually hangs out here, reads this blog every day and comments on the posts?

1. People who strive to understand what I’m doing and take something good from it.

2. People who respect the diversity of opinions here and protect that by their respectful participation.

3. People wanting to learn more about evangelicals or other Christians.

4. People monitoring me for employers, friends and the “Chat Channel.”

5. Calvinists who are still mad at me for something I said in 2005.

6. People who appreciate common ground, but also want me to portray their tradition accurately.

7. People who genuinely disagree, but are nice about it.

8. People who want the opportunity heckle or insult me.

9. People who disagree with every word I write, have sworn me off, and still can’t stop reading.

10. People who seriously think I’m on my way to becoming a ________________, and they want to help me get there.

11. People who seriously think I’m on my way to becoming a _________________, and they want to stop me.

12. People who believe they are psychiatrists. My psychiatrists.

13. People who want to rail at me over the rosary ad, the Lutheran ad and the Catholic books ad.

14. People who know I’m right and can’t stand it.

15. People who are sure I’m angry all the time, and read every word as if I’m yelling and throwing a chair.

16. People who trust me.

17. People who want to see what I’m going to do next.

18. People who want to see if I mention their blog.

19. People…..people who love people…..are the luckiest people in the world….

20. Surfnetter…..who fits no known category.


  1. The Dudacy of Imonk

  2. Surfnetter – yep, you’re a Gallican 😉

    Thanks to Cardinal Cullen, Ireland is (or was) Ultramontane. That probably explains the tendency in the American church towards Gallicanism – as a reaction to all the Irish clergy who had been so influential during the expansion of the Church in America 🙂

    I’m using these terms in the sense, to quote Patricia Byrne on American ultramontanism, of
    “The ultramontane temper affected church life in the United States from workings of the hierarchy to details of the Catholic home, where a devotional revolution shaped patterns of prayer and religious sensibility from the middle of the 19th century until the dawn of Vatican II. That milieu, which many older Catholics remember as “traditional,” was intimately connected with a specific and very Roman understanding of Church, one that came to be synonymous with “Catholic.” …The transformation of ultramontanism – from a political and ecclesiastical power struggle in the 18th century to a mentality colored by personal devotion toward the pope in the 19th…”.

  3. Anna A, I was tending towards the spiritual works, since I couldn’t see where it fit in as a corporal work, but then it hit me:

    “Give drink to the thirsty”

    Of course! All those who are driven to drink because they’re fed up to the back teeth of those rosary ads! 😉

    (Naturally, as a spiritual work, it incorporates both “Instruct the ignorant” and “Convert the sinner”, because of all the fervent invocations of “Great God Almighty”, as in “Great God Almighty, are those pagan idolatrous Papist goddess-worship beads *still* being advertised on iMonk’s page?”) 🙂

  4. Neither the Pope and the Magisterium nor God and all His angels have any authority over my will — the former never had it and the latter permanently relinquished it when He made it. And being that belief is the very beginning willful act of any decision I make about how I will behave, then even God must convince me rather than order what I choose to believe.

    But in re the latter — what happens when you pray: Thy will be done?

  5. Dude I–That’s the reason why I come.

  6. Bob Brague says

    His Near-Holiness Pope Dude I, Your Excellency:

    I have self-identified as a #1, #2, #3, #16, and #17 with occasional detours into #7, but this business of self-identification is such an iffy process, prone to much error, because the simple truth is there are none so blind as those who will not see, and it is also good for a loquacious simpleton such as I to remember that in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.

  7. I’m #17 I guess. I mostly await the next “Liturgical Gangstas”, that’s what brought me here in the first place. Then you had an exceedingly great Gospel post a few weeks back so I added you to Google Reader. Since then I’ve mostly disagreed with you. So now it’s just a waiting game. Will IM become Catholic? Will IM become Lutheran? (Boy, I hope so) And what will the next LG-6 have to say?

    –orthodoxy hunter

  8. Flatrocker says

    We’re not going to wake up tomorrow reading the comment thread concerning your infallibility posting are we?

  9. Cindy — What about “Father take this cup from me…”

    Even Jesus, one with the Father as He was (and is) had to be convinced to do the Father’s will.

    But off topic this is.

  10. Holy cow – this is crackin’ me up. haa! Now, should I let the cat out of the bag and tell them how many of these rosaries I have sold to Protestants?? 🙂 I shall refrain from trying to categorize myself. Peace to the house of iMonk.

  11. People who think I am going to quit the Baptist ministry and become a Wal Mart greeter, move to ???? and repudiate a good sized chunk of what I believe in order to get absolutely no more in with Jesus than I am now amaze me. Where is this clue that at 52 I want to stop preaching and teaching the Bible (the only ministry I’ll ever have) so I can go to mass? Think about it, will ya? Someone is watching too much Journey Home. Do you think I’m going to be some apologist on CA, explaining how indulgences were right there in the New Testament all the time? It’s hilarious. Do like the Hindus. Pray I’ll be a good Baptist and in my next life I can be a Catholic.

  12. Take all this interest in Protestant conversions, go to your parish and do some evangelism, folks. Evangelism. Those thousands of pagans Mark Driscoll has brought into his church from nothing. That’s your audience. Not Protestants who already believe in Jesus and you basically consider to have a faulty ecclesiology and a faulty view of authority. Evangelism. If that means, “convert Protestants” there’s a problem. In our part of the world- no disrespect- we call it sheep stealin’.

    peace. I’m going to bed. ms

  13. I guess I am a number 2.

  14. idude,
    for me, it is your brutal honesty and fantastic writing.

  15. “Now, should I let the cat out of the bag and tell them how many of these rosaries I have sold to Protestants??”

    Alan – the moon rises at midnight. The ducks fly backward over Vienna. Grandmother’s spectacles are to be found at the poste restante >.>

    (Glad to see that your part in our Ultra Top Secret Papist Global Domination Plan is going so well. If we maintain our high level of secrecy, no-one will ever suspect until it’s too late!)

  16. Michael, we believe that in the next life, *everyone* will be Catholic 🙂

    For what it’s worth, I don’t see you converting to anything (except maybe a bigger hammer to hit us idiots over the heads with).

    Peace, brother, and good day to you.

  17. Of course I’m not in on any plot – I’m happy for any Christian prayers said while holding my rosaries. Hail Marys are great, but we don’t even have to say those. Anyway, Jesus Prayers, Our Fathers, Scripture chunks, Glory Bes, whatever helps you focus and open your heart to God, crank ’em out. I do think it’s pretty cool, though, when a Baptist Worship Pastor orders a rosary from a funky Catholic guy. I have no dreams of his in-house “conversion.” I do see connection, though – good stuff. Why are we talking about this again? I’m not #’s whatever and whichever and I am #’s whatchadoodle – doodleedooo 🙂 Peace.

  18. I have a new category — or maybe it’s a characteristic of #20 —

    I’m waiting for Imonk to realize that the Roman Church itself is at least as diverse as all of Protestantism and most “evangelical” Catholics are too busy trying to convert each other to worry about him and people like him. 🙂

    Martha — Actually we* believe everyone already is Catholic and will find that out in the next life.

    *Note: except me — my own take on that issue is way too long and way off topic.

  19. “we believe everyone already is Catholic”

    Surfnetter, shhhh! You don’t want to alert them to the fact that the fluoridation of the public water supply was a distraction operation to disguise the implantation of the mind-control chips!

    Which reminds me: have you been to your dentist recently? I think your implant – er, I mean, your fillings, yes, fillings, that’s it – may not be functioning correctly 😉

  20. Martha,
    I knew there was a reason I never wanted to go to the dentist.

  21. And then there’s the Pope repeatedly moving his hands in alternating vertical and horizontal hypnotic gestures on CNN. 🙂

  22. I’d like to call myself a 1,2 or 16.

    But I think I fit in a none of the above category as well:
    I came across your blog and added it to my regular reading because I’m a disallusioned bitter ex-evangelical super Christian, desperate for any kind of wisdom on how I can come back to some form of believe without completely lying to myself.

  23. I don’t know where I fit… I added your blog a long time ago (during the time I’m pretty sure I was a false convert). I kept it in my feed when I was well and truly saved, mostly as a counterpoint to my “truly reformed” blogs (Pyromaniacs and Blog/Mablog).

    I am a Calvinist (#5), but not angry. Maybe #6.

    And I must confess to a little of #18 🙂

  24. Headless Unicorn Guy says

    Lotsa little comments in this thread, and I’m feeling a little silly today:

    21. People who want to win converts to their denominations, and figure you’d be a nice feather in their cap. (Sorry: jewel in their crown….) — K.W.Leslie

    Just say “Notch on their Bible” and we’ll call it even.

    “Dozens of delicate lurkers who are lying in wait for the right / Appointed time to share their End Times Prophecies and Special Revelations with the IM audience.” — Pat Lynch

    Naah. They’re busy rushing their own End Time Prophecy books to print after the last election.

    Gotta love those internet mystics – say hello! — Pat Lynch

    Just as long as they’re not managing my money.

    The Evangelical Wilderness can be a confounding place but IM helps me make some sense of it. — Morgan

    Evangelical Wilderness or Evangelical WEIRDNESS?

    There’s a lot of the latter in the former, and sometimes you have to laugh to keep from screaming.

    “What a long, strange trip it’s been…”
    — The Grateful Dead

    This could actually be the IMonk Enneagram: if you add up the square of your top five numbers, divide by the year you were born minus the longitude you live in you will arrive at the number of the bible verse in the Book of Revelation that is the answer to the secret of the universe? — Joe M

    Contact Discovery or History Channel with a proposal. They’ve been doing a LOT of that kind of “documentary” lately. You might end up with “Bible Code Secrets” or “Nostradamus 2012” as a lead-in…

    peace. I’m going to bed. ms — IMonk

    Pax Nabisco-cookies…

    (Glad to see that your part in our Ultra Top Secret Papist Global Domination Plan is going so well. If we maintain our high level of secrecy, no-one will ever suspect until it’s too late!) — Martha


  25. I guess I’m a 1, 2, a bit of 3 and definitely a 17. I hadn’t considered 18, but now that you mention it . . . 🙂

  26. im #2. and thanks for hosting!

  27. Justin McFarland says

    im the one who reads articles to pass time while i’m not doing work in class.

    i’m also the one who feels like an idiot because i can’t understand half the things you say.

  28. I’m not much of lurker, but, at times, more than one apply. Keep it up, Michael!

  29. Justin: You’ve got half! Damn. Call the reporters.

  30. Can you make money doing #4?

  31. I just want you to know man…. I am a serious Calvinist and I just can’t get enough Internet Monk. Been reading, and sometimes commenting, for well over a year. Its always humbling and enlightening and christ-centric.

  32. Ky Boy but not now says

    “desperate for any kind of wisdom on how I can come back to some form of believe without completely lying to myself.”

    Just don’t wait for a perfect church. There aren’t any. After all they are run by people.

  33. Ky Boy but not now says

    Yes 1. 2. 3. 17.

    From someone who over comments at times. Too many times.

  34. KY boy,

    I just want to mention that I enjoy your comments, especially I could almost use the same nickname. Just change the gender. 😉

  35. Big Chief says

    You left out people who come for the pictures. Ya got great pictures with your articles. I mean, who needs the SI Swimsuit issue when you can come here and see beauties like the one shown in this post!

  36. I enjoyed this one.

    #20. I am Nettersurf (or was that nutterserf?)

    I am going to bed and I am not going to look it up. But I enjoy showing up in odd places reading and then disappearing again until I decide to give everyone a heart attack by coming back and responding to whatever might have been said to me.

    I think I am the last person on this site, so this is me signing off.

    Good night and God Bless.

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