October 22, 2020

Saturday Ramblings, April 25, 2015: Drafting Mike Edition

Hello, friends, and welcome to the weekend. Ready to Ramble?

Then hop in the '62 convertible

Then hop in the ’62 convertible

The World Happiness Report for 2015 was released this week.  The report identifies the countries with the highest levels of happiness:

Apparently the colder you are the happier you are.  That’s my main take-away from this.

The list of people running for president keeps on growing, a full year and a half before the actual election.  Ted Cruz was first in. Hillary Clinton, Marco Rubio and Rand Paul announced last week.  Jeb Bush, Mike Hucklebee, Ben Carson, Carly Fiorina and  Lindsey Graham are expected to join in the next week or two, and Chris Christie and Scott Walker are lingering in the wings.  Even Hulk Hogan is running.

And I am asking President Putin to settle this with me mano a mano. We will be armed with one folding chair apiece.

And I am asking President Putin to settle this with me mano a mano. We will be armed with one folding chair apiece.

I think it’s time we banded together, imonks, and drafted a presidential candidate we all love and respect: None other than our own Chaplain Mike, of course. kkrh5

I mean, just think of his strengths.  Which of the other candidates can craft a profound blog post in under one hour, without speech-writers?  Which of them can exegete a Pauline passage with humility and insight?  You think Hillary can do that?  Jeb Bush?  Pleeeeeaazee. Most importantly, which other candidate would actually be too humble to seek the job?  I know who I’m voting for! I’m voting for the man who lives on Main Street in a small town in Indiana (yes, really).  I’m voting for a man who roots for the Cubs, year after year, success be damned.  I’m voting for a man who is not a stooge of either party.  I’m voting for a man who will lead us like Moses through the Red Sea of the culture wars and political posturing. I’m voting for a man who might let me stay in the Lincoln Bedroom.  Internet, O Internet, who is with me??? Shall we do this great thing??? I say again, shall we do this?  What say ye, people of the internet? 54665948 54896193 (1) 61566285 61566289 alright+lets+do+this1 (1) Anchorman_Lets_Do_This_Black_Shirt_POP ciabia lets-do-this lets-do-this-meme-no-cuss-words lets-do-this-rt1b0w Previewkksvvkkstmkktqi

In the polls so far, Bush is the front runner among GOP voters.  However, Rubio polls best in a general election fight against Hillary Clinton. In a general election match-up, Clinton gets 45 percent of American voters to 43 percent for Rubio (within the poll’s margin of error).  She is more heavily favored against other candidates (except one):

45 – 40 percent over Christie
46 – 42 percent over Paul
47 – 42 percent over Huckabee
46 – 39 percent over Bush
46 – 41 percent over Walker
48 – 41 percent over Cruz
21-74 percent under Chaplain Mike hd0u1j

An international team of researchers has sequenced the nearly complete genome of two Siberian woolly mammoths: “This discovery means that recreating extinct species is a much more real possibility, one we could in theory realize within decades,” says evolutionary geneticist Hendrik Poinar, director of the Ancient DNA Centre at McMaster University and a man who has apparently never watched that Jurassic Park documentary.

Have we learned nothing?

Have we learned nothing?

Last Saturday, Pope Francis proclaimed an “Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy” Holy Year. The year begins on Dec. 8 with Francis’ opening the normally closed Holy Door in the back of the basilica, and ends on Nov. 20, 2016. Francis says the church must talk about God “in a more accessible way” and avoid “fortress” mentalities because its credibility depends on more mercy and less severity.

Its moves like these that have prompted a long story in The Atlantic titled, “Will Pope Francis break the Church”. While noting nothing radical has happened yet (at least, structurally), the article notes, “…his moves and choices (and the media coverage thereof) have generated a revolutionary atmosphere around Catholicism. For the moment, at least, there is a sense that a new springtime has arrived for the Church’s progressives. And among some conservative Catholics, there is a feeling of uncertainty absent since the often-chaotic aftermath of the Second Vatican Council, in the 1960s and ’70s.”

Weird headline of the week: Plumber ‘gives birth’ to identical twin after having pains in his stomach.  Yes, it seems 30 year old Gavin Hyatt had been having some pain in his abdomen.  It turned out to be a twin, who had died in utero and been absorbed into Gavin’s body. Last week the ‘twin’ came out.  Through Gavin’s belly button. No, that’s not a typo. Gavin is doing okay physically, but is still trying to process this admittedly rare situation:  “I feel absolutely fine now but it has not sunk in yet that I could have had a twin brother. I have him in a jar at home and I call him little Gav. I haven’t told many people. I feel like a bit of a freak.”

Gotta love The Onion: FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States 


“The Kardishians again? How can they stand this stuff?”

The European Conservative published an insightful interview with British philosopher Roger Scruton. I found the following exchange fascinating, and wonder what your thoughts are:

We watch daily reports of the violence committed for what is commonly referred to as ‘religious motives’, while in public discourse many Western authors defend atheism and the downfall of religion. How do you view this period we are witnessing? Is religion the cause of or the solution for this violence?

That is a lot of questions wrapped up into one. I wrote about this in my book The West and the Rest (2002). My position, briefly, is that religion can be the cause of violence, and also the solution to it. I agree with René Girard, that the human impulse towards violence lies at the origins of our social sentiments, and easily translates itself into religious form, and in particular into the search for the scapegoat, whose sacrifice will purge us of our accumulated guilt. However, I also believe that Christianity, which makes this process conscious, and in which the victim offers himself in a spirit of forgiveness, contains the solution to violence. In this, Christianity is entirely unlike Islam, which is a religion that has not risen to consciousness of its underlying dynamic, and is in denial about its sacred text. The Christian is commanded to forgive, to accept humiliation, and to bear the cross of Christ. If these commands are followed faithfully—which is, of course, rare—then violence will be defeated.

Given the constant threat of terrorism with which we now live, do you believe we are facing a cultural war? Is Samuel Huntington’s thesis that the world is divided into several civilisations based on religious ideals that can be fault lines for conflict still valid for the 21st century?

There is certainly some kind of clash of civilisations occurring. However, Islam seems to have forgotten its civilisation, and it is rare now to meet a Muslim who has ever heard of enlightened Islamic scholars like Ibn Sinna, or Rumi, or Hafiz, or who is even aware that a great civilisation once existed, built upon the revelation of the Koran. Western civilisation, too, is losing the memory of its religious inheritance. I am reminded of Matthew Arnold’s “On Dover Beach” in which he expresses his fear for a future in which “ignorant armies clash by night”. So yes, there is a clash—not of two civilisations but of two competing forms of stupidity: one given to violence and the other to self-indulgence.

Theologian of the week is our good friend, Creflo Dollar.  Last month he took a lot of heat for asking his followers to pony up for him to buy a 65 million dollar jet (yes, really); Now he tells us, “there is no such thing as a prosperity gospel”.  This is because, “the money in my pocket is not mine; it belongs to God”.  Okaaaaaaaaaayyy. In Creflo’s case, that is 27 million dollars.  God sure is good.

Ozzie the goose had a problem. First, he had to have his leg amputated after he broke it shortly after hatching. He compensated by using his left wing like a crutch but broke its tip on the ground. Ozzie was struggling to get around his home in South Africa. Until now.  Through the magic of 3d printers, Ozzie now has a prosthetic leg.

Wait a minute...Ozzie, are you goose-stepping?  You look like you're goose-stepping, you little Nazi.  Fine! First we give you a prosthetic leg, and you reward us by prancing around like you're about to invade Poland.  this is disgusting, Ozzie, disgusting!

Wait a minute…Ozzie, are you goose-stepping? You look like you’re goose-stepping, you little Nazi. Fine! First we give you a prosthetic leg, and you reward us by prancing around like you’re about to invade Poland. this is disgusting, Ozzie, disgusting!

Pope Francis famously said “Who am I to judge? when asked about homosexuals. Well, he may find that he has to, one way or another. ” France, you see, has nominated a gay man to be ambassador to the Holy See. This happened in January, but so far the Vatican hasn’t accepted the appointment. European media has speculated that this is because Stefanini, a Catholic who worked for years in the French Embassy at the Vatican, is gay, though the French government officially is denying any problems. Massimo Faggioli, a church historian at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Minn., who focuses on the papacy, said France was “poking a finger in the eye of the Vatican” by appointing an openly gay man.

A New York judge will consider whether Chimpanzees are ‘Legal Persons’. The hearing is scheduled for May 6. Animal rights activist Steven Wise has said a victory could spur similar cases on behalf of elephants, dolphins, whales and other intelligent animals. I have mixed feelings about this.  One the one hand, it seems obtuse to not recognize the difference between a chimp and, say, a lobster.  On the other hand, won’t elevating animals to human status necessarily mean devaluing humans to the same status as animals? Your thoughts?

Tim Tebow is back in the NFL.  The Eagles signed him to a one-year contract.  A Philadelphia eatery is celebrating by creating a special pretzel.  In case you’re wondering, that is a symbol of a player taking one knee in prayerful thanks, aka: “tebowing”.


The Social Club in Nashville is a place for swingers.  And, no, I’m not talking about kids on a playground.  It’s a sex club.  That’s why there was opposition to its opening from it’s would-be neighbors, especially the Christian school next door. After the opening was blocked, the club re-named itself as United Fellowship Center, and called itself a church.  The “dungeon” was re-named “the choir room”. Now it’s challenging the city to prove it’s not a legitimate house of worship.  The neighbors are watching….warily.

Finally, Robert F. last week asked if there’s a reason we no longer have musical selections on the Ramblings. Well, Robert, there actually is a very good reason: I’m lazy. And I have weird taste in music, apparently.  You wouldn’t enjoy most of my playlist, I’m afraid. Anyway, no promises for the eternal future, but I will try to oblige. Here is the title cut from the new album by Steve Taylor and the Perfect Foil:


  1. Klasie Kraalogies says

    If Chaplain Mike becomes US president, I want the other Mike (ok, Michael) as PM of Canada.

    And our election is first!

    • CM for President? Well, maybe…

      But first we need to make him look presidential.

      Let’s see, the beer in the plastic cup will need to be replaced with a red wine in a good lead crystal wine glass. The shades have to go (makes it look like he’s hiding something). The goatee definitely has to go (the hipster look is definitely not presidential, not yet, at any rate).

      And of course, we’ll have to dress him up in a good suit.

      Oh, and the White House as a background would be a nice touch.

    • I WAS a political animal in my youth. Not any more. The current prime minister of Canada attends the church that my wife and I were married at. Alas, I think I am two liberal for the conservatives, and too conservative for the liberals, meaning that no one would want to vote for me.

  2. turnsalso says

    Alt for Norge!

  3. The “Let’s Do This” series of pics: Bravo!!!

  4. melissatheragamuffin says

    Chaplain Mike for President: The Only Sane Choice!!!

    Re: Animals: I don’t want to see them recognized as legal persons for the reasons you said, but I do think they should be given some kind of special status. I do not believe the life of any animal is equal to the life of a human, but that doesn’t mean their lives aren’t precious. Jesus said not a single sparrow falls to the ground without our Father knowing about it, I would have to think that a chimp, elephant, dolphin, or even a dog would be worth rather more than a sparrow, but still not as much as a human being.

    • Christiane says

      I was talking to our parish priest who just adopted a rescue dog who stays in his office area at the Church. I said boldly, ‘I believe dogs have souls’, to which he replied, he did, too. I wasn’t expecting that and I was thrilled to hear it, but it was what he said next that really made my day: that ALL of God’s creation was included in the hope of the world to come . . . and, he said, are not dogs also God’s creatures?

      When I got home, I looked up ‘all of creation’ in sacred Scripture and found this:

      “…19 For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God.
      20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope
      21 that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God.…” (from Romans, ch. 8)

      So, there it is, God gives life to all living things. Puppies have souls, too. 🙂

      • Does that mean though that plants, which are living, have souls too then? What about one-cell bacterias or viruses? I don’t think being “alive” necessarily equates to having a “soul.” One could look at a machine or robot and argue it’s alive to some degree too (it moves, interacts, consumes energy, etc), although I would deny that it has a soul. It’s cute to think about puppies and kittens having souls, but it seems to be a fairly slippery slope, and can be blurry where the line is. Anyways, just what I think.

        • On theological grounds, I would say that a puppy or kitten, or elephant, might have a soul, but they do, it’s not a human soul. For me, to the degree that I believe in the unique incarnation of God in Jesus Christ, both human and divine, I’m bound to believe, on faith, that human beings bear the image of God in a way that no other living things do. That still leaves a lot of room to talk about human responsibility to care for creation, and different levels of rights based on degree of sentience in other species and living things.

          • Good thoughts. Perhaps they do in fact have “souls”, although what that fully entails seems beyond our current level of understanding.

          • I think whether or not other living things have souls, and the degree to which they can be recognized to have rights, depends on their level of sentience. Human beings, however, have unique rights rooted in the fact that they bear the image of God in a unique way, whatever their level of sentience.

          • I realize that my thoughts about human beings having unique right based on uniquely bearing the image of God mixes political philosophy and religious dogma in a way that many will find unacceptable, but I have to admit that this doesn’t concern me. This dogma of the uniqueness of humanity rooted in the uniqueness of Jesus Christ is central to my understanding of what it means to be Christian and human, and to the degree that I’m faithful to that belief, I cannot help but live it out and support it in the public, and political, spheres. At this level, there is simply no way to avoid mixing my personal religious beliefs with my presence in the public square.

          • Unfortunately, though, when secular society speaks of animals as “persons” be prepared for all manner of legal mischief never intended by the “good souls” who propose it. For instance, legal rights, heretofore undiscovered, in the US constitution, and the argument that since African Americans were once not considered as “people” but have since been included, then it follows that animals ALSO should be granted the same “rights”. And be sure that P.E.T.A., and other vegan advocates, will soon push for the abolition of meat eating because of the “rights” of animals.

            We are supposed to care for creation, to love mercy, do justice, and walk humbly before our God, But have animals been included in the Old OR New covenant? Did Jesus die for the sins of ANIMALS? I realize that I am being hyperbolic, and even ridiculous, but can anyone deny that the legal system is not immune to foolishness and chicanery?

          • Aristotle distinguished three kinds, or levels, of soul: the vegetative, which gives growth; the animal, which gives movement; and the human, which gives reason. Whether animals have souls is a universal question. The Kyrgyz word for animal means literally “has a soul” — which of course what the English word for animal means, now that I think about it . . .

            The next question is whether having a soul guarantees immortality and/or requires salvation. I’m content to say that animals have souls and that God has a means of interacting with them that he doesn’t have to tell me about — plants, too, for that matter. That doesn’t mean that animals and plants will achieve immortality or need salvation in the same way as humans. I don’t think that what distinguishes us as humans is just our soul, which is why I’m not possessive of the concept of it. God made us, loves us, and died for us because we are human, not just because we have a soul.

          • I don’t know Robert it’s probably a better idea to try and decide who gets rights with something other than religious dogma. My religion says your not truely human therefore you don’t get the same rights as me has a really bad track record.

          • Isn’t it biologically simple? If you have your own unique human DNA, you’re a human being with human rights. Human identity is rooted in biological realities. Science helps answer the question of what exactly it means to be biologically human, though it can’t tell us what is the value of being human.

          • I think Damaris is right. I don’t think it’s philosophically feasible, from a Christian religious perspective, to locate the uniqueness of being human in possession of a soul. What make us human is human bodies, and everything that develops from human bodies. Being human is grounded in biologically measurable reality. And the image of God that we bear is a physical image; specifically, it’s the image that God has revealed to us in Jesus Christ, our human brother, who was human because in him God assumed a human body into his divine nature.

      • Also, while not denying that animals will be in the new creation, I sure hope (literally) “ALL” of creation isn’t…I can certainly think of a few things that exist in this universe that are associated with death/disease/suffering/etc I wouldn’t want there, “restored” or not 😛

        • My wife would say SPIDERS (!) Her cries of “OSCAR, KILL IT!” ringing for eternity? UH UH!!!

        • Maybe. Unfortunately, our biosphere is so intertwined, that we cannot possibly conceive of a universe that does not have “harmful” elements. Humans (all animals, actually) are symbiotic with the smallest organisms – even deadly disease germs serve a function in the preservation and control of life as we know it. I for one know for a fact that there will be no mosquitos in heaven – but life as we know it could not exist without the pestiferous blood-suckers. Interesting line of thinking.

          • And there are many questionable non-biological entities which could be considered questionable for the new creation, such as black holes (yikes!).

    • Headless Unicorn Guy says

      Chaplain Mike for President: The Only Sane Choice!!!

      Why settle for only the lesser of two evils?

  5. In breaking news— it seems that the plumber’s twin isn’t unique. A woman in Indiana had her identical twin inside her head for 26 years. And it’s not even a tabloid that reported it:


    • Brianthedad says

      I immediately thought of the Stephen King novel “The Dark Half” when I saw that news story. Creepy book. Creepy story. Glad the young woman is ok.

  6. Now I have to choose… Do I back the I-Monk ticket? Or do I keep my support with my favorite dark horse (or rather, dark spawn) candidate, and vote CTHULHU/DAGON 2016? 😉

  7. I disagree with Scruton’s idea that the essence of Christianity is that the Christian accepts injustice, and becomes a self-sacrificing doormat. I think that idea has been used as theological warrant and justification throughout Christian history by the powerful to oppress the weak: husbands used this idea to oppress wives, nobility to oppress peasants, masters to oppress slaves, Europeans to oppress indigent peoples in the lands they colonized.

    And, of course, the powerful, while telling the poor and weak that they had a duty to obey and surrender their rights, always found justification for the exercise and coercive imposition of their own rights and prerogatives to rule in the theological idea that God has established the order of society, with them at the top, for the good of all, even the slaves, wives, oppressed, indigent peoples, etc. Hogwash.

    Much better is the idea that has become central to the vows made in the Baptismal rites of the Lutheran (ELCA), Episcopal and other so-called “liberal” churches: among other responsibilities that Christians inherit, along with the redemption freely given to them in Jesus Christ, is the responsibility to work for justice and peace, and this a a responsibility for both those who govern and those who are governed.

    • Oops! Make that “indigenous peoples”.

    • I cannot take Scruton seriously, as he is… well, look him up and see for yourselves.

      • I read some Rene Girard years ago, and, as I recall, he does not exactly say what Scruton says he does. Specifically, Girard sees the self-sacrifice of Jesus is the place humans may look to for the spiritual wisdom and power to stop treating each other unjustly, and to break the cycles of oppression and victimization.

        • Interestingly enough, Girard is viewed as an eminence grise by many in the Emergent/Progressive camp.

          Scruton’s ideas on aesthetics seem to find purchase among people on the outermost fringes of the far right, but nowhere else. I was dumbfounded when i 1st read some of his opinions on art, because they sound like conspiracy theory stuff.

      • OMG, he’s a T-o-o-o-o-ory. No wonder our resident Melissa Block disapproves of him.

        Unclean! Unclean!

        I’ll have to add him and Girard, along with Rene Guinon and Julius Evola, to my to-read list

    • Yeah, I’m with you Robert F. I’m not sure he thought through his position very well.

  8. Whether or not your musical tastes are weird, or we like your selections, is immaterial, Daniel. It’s a tradition, and gives us something to talk about (and even make fun of!). Thanks for the offering this week. I don’t get why so many of you evangelicals and post-evangelicals are so attached to this Steve Taylor guy, but that’ okay: whatever gets you through the night!

  9. Let’s Do This!

  10. Put Church and State back together again. Vote Chaplain Mike for President: Let’s Do This!

  11. I’m not even thinking about the upcoming presidential election….

  12. RE: Animals with human rights. In December, a New York appeals court rejected a case making that claim. Their reasoning was, well, profoundly reasonable! Here’s what the court said.

    “Petitioner requests that this Court enlarge the common-law definition of ‘person’ in order to afford legal rights to an animal,” wrote the judges in their decision. “We decline to do so.”

    They rejected [plaintiff’s] argument that legal rights arise from an abiding respect for individual liberty and self-determination. Rather, said the court, rights are contingent upon responsibility. If a chimp can’t be expected to fulfill his social duties, neither can he have rights.

    “Unlike human beings, chimpanzees cannot bear any legal duties, submit to societal responsibilities or be held legally accountable for their actions,” wrote the judges.

    “In our view, it is this incapability to bear any legal responsibilities and societal duties that renders it inappropriate to confer upon chimpanzees the legal rights—such as the fundamental right to liberty protected by the writ of habeas corpus—that have been afforded to human beings,” they concluded.

    • Where does such reasoning leave the human rights of human beings who, because of severe developmental disabilities, are unable to meet such responsibilities?

      • Klasie Kraalogies says

        I think the answer would be that the judge might have been considering chimps as a class, not a specfic individual. Likewise, humans as a class (species iow) can fulfill their responsibilities, even though some isolated individual due to circumstances can’t.

        Your reasoning would (temporarily) remove human rights from many sick people, the very young and the very old…

        • Which we already do, legally. It would be foolish to expect a person brain-dead through accident to excute his or her own will, for example.

          • Klasie Kraalogies says

            I would not define brain – dead as all, personally. It us a different class all by itself. But what about those ib a stable coma? Or 6 week-old babies? Or someone with Alzheimer’s? We do not remove all their rights from them – killing any them is still murder, for instance.

          • Quite correct, KK. I only intended to point out that we recognize the limits of law in relation to responsibility. A person who cannot take responsibility is not held to the (same) law. That’s why we have not guilty by reason of insanity.

    • That Other Jean says

      Where does that leave corporate entities that may now be regarded as “persons”? Fulfilling societal obligations does not seem to rank very highly on their agendas. It ranks way behind “make a ton of money for the shareholders and the CEO,” if it’s there at all.

    • ll rectify that oversight!

  13. Republicans don’t have the votes. I don’t believe it has anything to do with Hillary or who is put up to run against her.

    • Repeat after me: Madam President.

      • Headless Unicorn Guy says

        And remember:

        When in the Presence of The Hillary, your head is only permitted to move up and down, NEVER from side to side.

    • “Republicans don’t have the votes.” Don’t be so sure. They just won House and Senate and may well take the White House in 2016. Not prophesying here, just sayin’ “don’t be so sure.”

      And BTW, and although it’s a long shot, “Madam President” may well be Carly Fiorina’s, not Hillary Clinton’s, title come January 2017.

      • The only question is: Is it “President Clinton,” or “Madam President Clinton”? 🙂


        • Again, I’m no political analyst, much less a prophet. But if the article you mention is accurate, how do we explain that since 1980 Republicans have won 5 presidential elections (Reagan – 2, Bush – 1, Bush W – 2) and Democrats have won 4 presidential elections (Clinton – 2, Obama – 2)? And how do we explain Republican control of the House, Senate and 31/50 governors? Even here in “blue” New Mexico our governor is a Republican and Republicans just took the House this past November for the first time since 1952.

          I reiterate, “don’t be so sure.”

          • Repeat after me: Of course, President Clinton. Yes, Madam President. Right way, President Clinton.

          • Man, you’re persistent!

          • It’s my only virtue.

          • Don’t mistake my persistent repetition of these mantras for approval of the idea that Hilary will be our next President; in my view, it’s a fait accompli, and I’m just trying to get accustomed and inured to the inevitable by these repetitions.

          • Regarding the inevitably of Hilary’s election to the Presidency, I have only one last thing to offer all the doubters:

            Ah, Love, let us be true
            To one another!….

      • If the Dems don’t show up to vote (which is partially why they lost the
        Senate), then the GOP will take it.

  14. Remember, iMonks: Vote early, and vote often!

    • Speaking of voting and Constitutional rights for apes… What ever happened to that cute fellow Bonzo? I heard he was a Republican and a supporter of Ronald Reagan (now that there’s a vote getter). There’s another potential Republican candidate (once we get the courts to agree with the nut jobs who think apes are no different than people).

      And should Bonzo win, what would we preface his name with? Primate President? That has a nice ring to it!

      • That Other Jean says

        Alas, Bonzo, who was sold to a circus when his movie career was over, died in McKean, PA in 1969, where he is buried in a pet cemetery. No hope for a Presidential run.

      • Putting Reagan into perspective: remember that in the movie “Bedtime for Bonzo” it was not Reagan who was the star. Bonzo was the star. Reagan was merely the supporting actor.

        And yet, like many usurpers, he clawed his way to become leader of the free world (Reagan that is, not Bonzo).

  15. IndianaMike says

    Now we know what a web site would look like after a merger of internetmonk and StumbleUpon.

  16. Christiane says

    My vote is going to Hilary, (experience . . . experience . . . experience):
    but my money is on the Koch Brothers’ man . . . right now, they are saying that is Scott Walker, which is not surprising. With the Koch Bros.’s money behind his campaign, Walker will have unlimited resources and the impending forecast for Hilary is storm and thunder.

    • I can’t vote for Hillary unless she

      1) gets out of the pockets of Wall Street financiers and starts talking like Elizabeth Warren,


      2) voluntarily seeks computer experts to recover her deleted State Department-business emails. My husband is a Federal employee and one of my children is in the military, and if they ever bypassed official channels the way Hillary did with her State Department communications being on a private server, their asses would have been summarily removed. (no offense to you, dear Mule)


      • Yes, Hilary seems to think she can ignore rules and regulations at will and with impunity, since she also seems to think that such things are only meant for lesser beings, and not inhabitants of Olympus like herself. I guess she’s forgotten where she came from.

        • And people have been thinking it’s this President who has been working for foreign powers… 😉

      • Patrick Kyle says

        3) Have Congress subpoena records of all funds given to her Foundation. Who, when and how much. Especially during her tenure as Sec. of State.

  17. I feel I should make an appearance today.

    If I elected, I promise a chicken in every pot, a Sam Adams in every refrigerator, and a copy of Joel Osteen’s Your Best Life Now on every coffee table.

    I am open to suggestions regarding a running mate and cabinet appointments…

    • Brianthedad says

      Daniel Jepsen for press secretary.

      • +1. Mr. Jepsen has already begun a nice job already for President Chap Mike.

        • Daniel Jepsen says

          Well, I was hoping for court jester, but I’ll take what I can get…

          • Brianthedad says

            I think court jester and press secretary has been interchangeable in the last few administrations. Have you watched any of the weekly press briefings? Lol

    • I’ll take the chicken and the beer, but your third promise is a deal-breaker. Change that one for Michael Horton’s “For Calvinism” and you have my vote!

      And if you change the beer for a good cabernet-sauvignon I’ll campaign for you.

      • Speaking for myself, I’d much rather give a book of substance, of course.

        Speaking as a politician, Osteen gets more votes. And isn’t that what this is all about?

        • Yes, it is about votes–and idiotic one-line slogans. Therefore, you should definitely not offer anything written by Horton; Osteen will definitely get you more votes.

          Speaking of one-liners vote-getters, I have two middle initials, “A” & “Z”. The first time I ran for school board in 1995 my slogan was,

          “Why stop with the ABC’s of education, with me you’ll get A through Z.”

          I won–twice.

          So yes, as a former politician married to a woman who has managed several campaigns, here’s my advice to you (free of charge)…

          “Keep it simple, AND keep it stupid.”

    • Your running mate is Jesus, of course!

    • Damaris for Secretary of Education.

    • StuartB for Secretary of Health and Human Services.

      • OldProphet says

        I’m the Pres, ill say what I want and do what I want! Just like our current dictator, err Fuhrer, err, king, err, potentate, err, what? Oh, President! It’s easy to get lost in the nomenclature. Maybe Hilary ‘let em eat cake” Clinton Antoinette will win. Better hide your silver spoons!

    • I humbly nominate myself for US Ambassador to Cuba. Two reasons why I believe that this would be in the best interest of US and Cuban relations once diplomatic relations are reestablished…

      First. I’m a Cuban and a US citizen. There!

      Second, and most important, I am a Calvinist. The Cuban government likes John Calvin. So much so that back in 2009 in celebration of his 500th birthday a bust of the Great Reformer was unveiled in a park in Havana. No, I’m not making this up. Check it out: http://www.crcna.org/news-and-views/calvin-bust-unveiled-cuba.

      The report states that during the unveiling ceremony…

      “Three elements of Calvin’s legacy were emphasized—the gift of unity and communion; the need for an alliance for economic justice and life on earth, and the priority of peaceful living along with respect for the creation.”

      Dr. Ofelia Miriam Ortega, vice-president for the Latin American and the Caribbean members of the World Alliance of Reformed Churches, had this to say,

      “Often Havana has been likened to Calvin’s Geneva. In both places children and youth study and work; school books are handed down as the students finish their courses. The poor become the privileged recipients of the church’s economic and educational efforts … As theologian, educator, pastor and economist, Calvin lived in a historical moment similar to ours as a new historical era was approaching. Perhaps as a product of his intuition—among his many virtues—Calvin cultivated a consummate ecumenical spirit, anticipating by four centuries the current ecumenical movement….”

      21st century Havana = 16th century Geneva! Seriously, who better qualified than me?

      So, CM, can I have the job?

    • OP as Ambassador to Iran.

    • What? No Guinness?

  18. OldProphet says

    Actually, CC, ill appoint you to Cuba. But it’s a backdoor job, payment under the table is coffee and some of those cigars.

    • The cigars alone are worth it. I’ll take the Cohibas (~$400 for a box of 10). I’ll settle for 10 boxes/week.

      • At that price I’m wondering if these cigars are filled with something like wacky weed, only much stronger…

        • No, no, my friend, we Cubans don’t need to resort to anything of the sort. Just pure, Cuban tobacco, grown in a soil and climate like no other on earth, the plants covered up at night with cheesecloth to prevent the dew from damaging the leaves, selected, dried and aged to perfection, and hand rolled by skilled workers.

          In the words of Rush Limbaugh (I paraphrase), “conditions so perfect, even the Communists couldn’t screw it up.”

      • CC, I think you have it wrong: I think OP wants you to pay him in cigars and coffee for giving you the job!

  19. Is that Mike Bell at the wheel of the Rambler?

    Mike Bell for Secretary of Transportation!!!

  20. Spam alert! Grab the spam-gats, and DDOS the URL!!!

  21. “I have him in a jar at home and I call him little Gav. I haven’t told many people. I feel like a bit of a freak.”

    He feels like a freak because he discovered an absorbed twin was in his abdomen for 30 years, or because he keeps said twin at home in a jar? One of those he knew nothing about and could do nothing about, the other is a pretty freakish choice he made of his own volition. But I don’t have a twin so maybe I’m in no place to say.