August 10, 2020

Classic iMonk: Easter Weekend at the Megachurch

Re-posted by Chaplain Mike.

Consider this an update on the Rick Warren post.

Back in March of 2005, Michael couldn’t help but share the following comment from the Boar’s Head Tavern.

BHT Fellow Judson posted: “I just received a recorded phone call from my pastor inviting me to attend Easter Sunday.”

Lurker Eric replied with this gem:

“Press 1 if you will be attending the Traditional Easter Sunrise Service to be held in the (insert local Jr. College stadium here).”

“Press 2 if you will be attending the 8:30 Traditional/Contemporary Easter Cantata Service to be held in the main auditorium/gymnasium.”

“Press 3 if you will be attending the 10:00 Contemporary/Revelant Passion Interpretation in the Holy Grounds Coffee shop. Seating is limited, please reserve soon.”

“Press 4 if you will be bringing a friend to the 10:30 Resurrection Sunday Pageant. If you’re friend is not a Christian but is sensitive to the christian lifestyle/worldview, please leave their name and address so the Seeker Strike Team can visit them next Tuesday.”

“Press 9 to hear these selections again or Press ‘O’ for the operator…Thank you for calling Valley Central Fellowship and Worship Center…”

(Eric the Lurker from Redding)

Comments

  1. MAJ Tony says

    Blehh…reminds me how fortunate blessed I am to have been brought up in the Faith in a more traditional mindset in a small country parish that my family helped build. A fair percentage of the membership is at least distantly related, everybody knows everybody, and takes care of people when they need help (and knows when they need it).

  2. HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA

    We would have only one choice, “Press 1, assuming that you can find the phone pad through the clouds of incense rolling out of your phone.”

    • “Please listen carefully, as some of our liturgical selections have changed. For the Presanctified Liturgy, press or sing Tone 1. For the Liturgy of St. John Chrystostom, press or sing Tone 2. For St. Basil…”

  3. Wow, this was racist. There’s no ‘Press 8 for Spanish’.

    • Pues chico no te preocupes. Estaremos presente en esa iglesia. Porque cuande se cierren al terminar el domingo, somos nosotros quienes emplean para limpiar sus bancadas.

      • Wow, Fr. Ernesto, look what an online Spanish to English gave me for a translation of what you wrote: “Then boy do not worry. We present in this church. Because when it closed at the end of Sunday, we who used to clean their benches.” !!

        • ROFL, the correct translation is closer to: Hey dude, don’t worry. We will be present in that church. Because, when they close at the end of Sunday, it is us whom they employ to clean their pews.

          • Well, actually, that translator was closer than I thought! I didn’t think you wrote anything about cleaning benches or pews, but you did. Happy Easter, Father Ernesto!

    • Where I live, it’s press 2.

  4. Don’t worry. The Operator speaks Greek, Hebrew, Latin, and Aramaic. If you are unable to understand the English menu, pressing zero will take you to said operator who will transfer you to the Tongues & Interpretation Dept.

  5. Funny responses, gang! I think I am too tired to be able to be funny.

  6. David Cornwell says

    With all these comments, you better be watching for that “Strike Team.” They are not wild about dissension.

    • The Strike Team would have you think they’re like that. But really, they’re tech crew, which means they’re happy as long as you keep them supplied with donuts in the morning and pizza in the afternoon.

      • David Cornwell says

        Well, that coffee is important and I can’t imagine a morning without it.