October 24, 2020

under a fallen wall

under a fallen wall

what you do
after you hit the wall
and then the wall falls on you
you gather your strength
what’s left
and begin digging out
but it’s fits and starts
choke on dust
pause, rub wounds
take a moment
you can do it, you insist
to yourself
anyone there?
brush aside the debris
try to work your legs
free from the pinching beams
trapping, holding on like chinese torture
each move only seems to
increase the weight
can anyone hear me?
cough, sputter, spit particulates
chalky mouth muttering
rest a minute
got nothing but time
just a little more time…


  1. “anyone there?
    “can anyone hear me?

    ” … come
    And re-create me. . . . .
    that new-fashioned,
    I may rise up from death
    before I’m dead. ”
    (‘A Litany’, John Donne)

  2. Susan Dumbrell says

    I live in vacuum

    • I’m praying for you, Susan. Wish I were able to do more. You sound super depressed and I’m very concerned about you.

      • Susan Dumbrell says

        Thank you Robert.
        Life sucks
        It was ever this.
        An early night to bed for me now
        My son is 48 today
        He is so far away
        I just want a hug

        • >Life sucks
          It was ever this.

          A possible loose translation of the Buddha’s First Noble Truth.

  3. Susan Dumbrell says

    Tears fall like raindrops
    Spring showers shall refresh the soul
    I pray for new growth

  4. Such dour expression suits the reality of life at many junctures, sometimes for extended stretches; months, years, even decades. I’m not there personally at this moment but embrace the cyclical patterns and know the time will come when words such as these would mean great comfort. It also strikes me that in the triumphant atmosphere of some quarters of Christianity there would be no room for your thoughts or those comforts.

    • The theology of glory never has any room for the theology of the cross.

      • Headless Unicorn Guy says

        Only for a Christianese version of The Seinfeld Sneer:
        “Oh Ye Of Little FAITH. Tsk. Tsk.”

    • Burro (Mule) says

      Most people, fortunately, are better than their creeds should allow them to be.

      • I think you’re right Muley. Certainly some of the time. It’s just sad that we must be better in secret; the show must go on.

        • Burro (Mule) says

          Actually, our inconsistencies save us, make us human, otherwise we should just cut the crap and proceed directly to the elimination of the contaminants that our political and religious algorithms demand of us.

          • Good point! Funny reference.

          • Headless Unicorn Guy says

            elimination of the contaminants that our political and religious algorithms demand of us.

            Are those the latest code words for “Cleansing” (formerly called “Genocide”)?
            Which is always easy to justify by Cosmic-level Authority?

            • Burro (Mule) says

              There is no such thing as objective truth, there is only power

              Yes, you will hear this kind of rhetoric mindlessly parroted all the time, but it is by no means some kind of metaphysical principle consistently applied. It is little more than an opportunistic tactical pose and a weapon to be deployed only when convenient, just like any double standard. “Out truths are real, whereas your ‘truths’ are just useful lies you can shove down people’s throats and get them to repeat because you can intimidate and bully them into it.” The fact that one can’t tell which side is making that statement about the other is what gives that perspective its robustness.

              Mule: I don’t believe women should have the choice to have abortions. I would take it away from them.

              Just About Everybody: Why?

              Mule: Is it not the termination of a human life?

              JAE: Well, that’s a religious question.

              Mule: Well, how do you solve religious questions?


              • I would say that your portrayal of that conversation goes off the rails when you say/think JAE replies to your question “Is it not the termination of a human life” with “Well, that’s a religious question.” JAE does NOT respond that way, they respond with “That doesn’t matter, this is about a woman’s right to rid herself of this thing in her body.”

                Which takes it out of any attempts to make it about religious right/wrong or ethical/moral or not.

              • “how do you solve religious questions?”

                By letting the person in question decide it. Was that so hard?

                • Someone with authority needs to settle it, and someone else has to submit to the one with authority. That’s how we play this religious game, Eeyore —- I thought you knew that.

    • –> “…but embrace the cyclical patterns and know the time will come when words such as these would mean great comfort.”

      I’ve learned a bit of the cyclical pattern of my own emotional state. If I’m feeling particularly “high” for a stretch, I remind myself, “Prepare for the downturn. Don’t stress when it comes.” Likewise, when I’m in a funk and feel like I’m crawling through the gutter, I tell myself, “This will pass. Be patient.”

      • The hockey team that wins the Stanley cup every year is invariably quoted voicing the same mantra. I see no other way to get through this maelstrom called life. A fixed gaze. A thousand yard stare. Hold nothing. Take nothing, up or down. Eyes fixed on the author and perfecter of our faith. That’s the road map anyway.

  5. going nowhere fast
    the rain swirls in tight circles
    dancing with the wind